Archive for the ‘wording’ Category
Thursday, January 5th, 2012
There is an amusing sentence in a current Celebrex television commercial. It is part of that scary warning section that warns the viewer/listener about all the side effects of the medication. The same sentence appears in the warning section on the company's website:
 Patients taking aspirin and the elderly are at increased risk for stomach bleeding and ulcers.
What is that again? It sounds as if both ASPIRIN and THE ELDERLY are objects of the present participle (ING word) TAKING. That would imply that PATIENTS take both things–ASPIRIN and THE ELDERLY–which, of course, does not make sense. Only the words TAKING ASPIRIN refer to PATIENTS. THE ELDERLY is a separate category.
The way to fix this sentence is to reverse the descriptions so that THE ELDERLY are not lumped with the ASPIRIN! It should be worded this way:
The elderly and patients taking aspirin are at increased risk for stomach bleeding and ulcers.
Tags: Celebrex, sentence structure, using ING forms
Posted in Grammar, using ING forms, wording | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, December 14th, 2011
Today's Grammar Glitch gave me my laugh of the week, but in order for you to laugh, too, I must share a bit of background story. Apparently, a 45-year-old man in northwest Pennsylvania wanted some time off from work, and he knew he could get paid leave for bereavement if someone close to him had died. His solution? Have the local newspaper print an obituary for his mother!
That in itself is bizarre, but now read this sentence, which appeared in the news story about the incident:
Relatives called The Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper in Brookville after the obit appeared to report the woman was actually alive and well.
What? This sentence confounds the confusion by making it sound as if the obituary itself reported that the mother was alive and well. I know journalists do not like introductory phrases, but sometimes (as here) they are necessary. This sentence really needs to begin with AFTER THE OBIT APPEARED. It should read this way:
After the obit appeared, relatives called The Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper in Brookville to report the woman was actually alive and well.
NOTE: Is there a journalist out there who would like to comment on this?
Tags: sentence structure
Posted in Grammar, wording | 10 Comments »
Thursday, November 17th, 2011
While preparing a workshop on Usage Glitches, I visited Microsoft Office's "clip art on line" site this week. I wanted to find a graphic of letters and envelopes and another one of an exercise bike. My purpose was to illustrate the point that STATIONERY means one thing and STATIONARY another.
I was quite surprised to discover that, when I keyed in either word, graphics for both meanings came up. Whoops! One of these words, STATIONERY, is a noun and refers to paper and envelopes still used by many of us for snail mail correspondence. The other word, STATIONARY, is an adjective and refers to something that is not moving. The two words are not interchangeable, as the Microsoft "clip art on line" site would suggest. However, most search engines allow for the fact that many people do not know the difference!
Here are some reminder examples of proper usage:
 I prefer cream white STATIONERY with a gold or silver border.
Our new local STATIONERY store carries many brands, including Crane.
John rides a STATIONARY bicycle every morning before work.
The population of Sunnyville has remained STATIONARY for the past ten years.
Tags: word usage
Posted in Grammar, wording | 5 Comments »
Thursday, November 10th, 2011
Even if you use correct grammar and punctuation, you can still confuse readers if you don't put words and phrases in an order that makes sense. Take a look at this lead sentence from an article in this morning's The Birmingham News:
The Alabama Board of Education will select a new superintendent to lead the state during this morning's board meeting, following a nearly five-hour meeting Wednesday in which members interviewed three of the four finalists it selected last month.
First of all, the State School Superintendent does not LEAD THE STATE of Alabama. That's Governor Bentley's job. Second, whoever is leading the state is probably not going to do it just DURING THIS MORNING'S BOARD MEETING. I would suggest wording the sentence this way:
The Alabama Board of Education will select a new State School Superintendent during its meeting this morning, following a nearly five-hour meeting on Wednesday in which members interviewed three of the four finalists it selected last month.
Or,
During its meeting this morning, the Alabama Board of Education will select a new State School Superintendent. This action follows a nearly five-hour meeting on Wednesday in which members interviewed three of the four finalists it selected last month.
COMMENT: Best wishes to retiring Alabama State School Superintendent Joe Morton who topped off his 42-year career in education by serving as superintendent from 2004 to 2011.
Best
Tags: sentence structure, The Birmingham News
Posted in Grammar, wording | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
A dangling participle was the supreme no-no in Mrs. Wagner's English class. It may not get as much attention today, but it still creates confused writing. Consider this sentence from an article in a recent issue of 280 Living:
Suffering from depression, financial concerns, marital problems and mourning the loss of his mother a year earlier, (this woman) believes her father was actually dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
THIS WOMAN (the daughter) is the subject of this sentence. An ING phrase set in front of that subject should describe the subject, but in reality, it is the FATHER who has had all these difficult experiences. The writer needs to find a way to have the SUFFERING and MOURNING describe the father. Here is my suggestion for a rewrite:
This woman believes her father, who suffered from depression, financial concerns and marital problems while mourning the loss of his mother a year earlier, was actually dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
TODAY'S BONUS GRAMMAR GLITCH: This one appeared in a comment on the Grammar Glitch Central blog.
I get exactly where your coming from. Whoops! YOUR is a possessive adjective used to describe a noun, as in IT IS YOUR FAULT….or YOUR GRAMMAR GLITCH IS SHOWING.
What this writer wants is the contraction of YOU + ARE. The sentence should read: I get exactly where you're coming from.
Tags: verbs, word usage
Posted in Grammar, sentence structure, verbs, wording | No Comments »
Sunday, July 17th, 2011
None of my readers took me up on the edit challenge for the following lengthy and confusing sentence:
While saying there has been nothing to show where the contaminants came from its plant, Walter coke, the largest company still operating in the area that has had many heavy industrial operations, is voluntarily paying for some soil testing in the area, as well as soil replacement at Hudson K-8 and 23 surrounding properties.
I do not mean to suggest that a 54-word sentence is always incorrect, but this one, with its strings of phrases, is extremely difficult to follow. First, TO SHOW WHERE is very casual English and adds confusion here. INDICATE would be a better verb choice than the expression SHOW WHERE.
I think this information is clearer if the sentence is separated into two sentences. Here is my suggested rewrite:
The area in question has had many heavy industrial operations, but Walter Coke is the largest company still operating there. While saying that nothing indicates the contaminants came from its plant, Walter Coke is voluntarily paying for some soil testing in the area as well as soil replacement at Hudson K-8 and 23 surrounding properties.
WEEKEND BONUS GLITCH:Here is a sentence I came across yesterday in a blog post by someone who owns a writing and social media marketing agency:
I write everything under the son.
Hm-mmm. I'm wondering what is underneath this person's son (male child) that could so interesting to write about. "Everything under the sun (that huge star that shines down on the entire earth)" is the expression this writer is looking for. I hope he has hired a good proofreader for his business. The sentence should read this way:
I write everything under the sun.
Tags: word usage, wordiness
Posted in Grammar, sentence structure, word usage, wording | 1 Comment »
Sunday, July 10th, 2011
Tornado cleanup continues throughout this part of Alabama, and newspaper articles continue to report what is being done. Unfortunately, some reporters get their brains and their keyboards tangled as they try to cram specific information into lead sentences. Here is a classic example from this morning's The Birmingham News:
 JASPER–About 35 to 40 people showed up Saturday for a Federal Emergency Management Agency event in this Walker County city that was designed to provide victims of the April 27 tornado outbreak with information about long-term housing options, a FEMA spokeswoman said.
Whoops! As written, this sentence makes it sound as if the Walker County city of Jasper was designed to provide tornado victims with information. Actually, it is the FEMA event IN Jasper that was designed to provide the information.
It is never a good idea to tack a THAT clause on right after anything other than what the THAT CLAUSE actually references. News staff writer Malcomb Daniels should have placed the phrase IN THIS WALKER COUNTY CITY right after the word SATURDAY so FEMA would be right before the THAT WAS DESIGNED clause. In addition, I suggest removing the words THAT WAS completely for a smoother read. The sentence should read this way:
JASPER–About 35 to 40 people showed up Saturday in this Walker County city for a Federal Emergency Management Agency event designed to provide victims of the April 27 tornado outbreak with information about long-term housing options, a FEMA spokeswoman said.
Tags: sentence structure, The Birmingham News
Posted in wording | No Comments »
Tuesday, May 31st, 2011
An Associated Press online headline went through an interesting and amusing transformation this weekend. At least I found the headline struggle amusing even though the topic was a sad one.
The first incarnation of the headline read this way:
Nigeria blast kills 15 hours after inauguration
I read the headline two or three times, then checked the text to figure out what the editor meant. How does a blast kill 15 hours, I wondered.
This morning, when I returned to this online headline, I discovered that the AP editor must have recognized the same problem I had. The headline had been altered to read this way:
Nigeria blast kills 10 hours after inauguration
My first reaction to this was that, oh, maybe only 10 people had been killed, but when I reread the text of the story I discovered that "10" actually referred to the number of hours after the inauguration. Of course, this still didn't solve the problem.
When I clicked on the story itself, I found that the editor had adjusted the headline a third time (but only in the full text location). The meaning was not quite the same, but at least it made sense! It read:
Nigeria hit by multiple blasts after inauguration
The original headline might have been clearer this way:
Nigeria hit by blast 10 hours after inauguration. Death toll 15.
This is a little longer, but it gets the job done much more efficiently.
 If you did not read this story, here are some of the basics: An election was held in Bauchi, Nigeria, and observers called it the fairest vote in that country in more than 10 years. Jonathan Goodluck, a Christian from the southern part of the country, was elected to a four-year term. Ten hours after the election, at about 8 p.m., a bomb blast at an outdoor bar in Bauchi killed 15 people.
COMMENT: It will certainly take good leadership as well as good luck for this new president to succeed.
Tags: The Associated Press, word usage
Posted in Grammar, wording | No Comments »
Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
While editing a business letter for a client this morning, I came across two of those stilted phrases we all tend to invoke when trying to sound professional. I thought I would share them with you, along with my suggestions for improved wording. Here is the first example:
I am writing to you today in regards to our meeting from last Friday.
 People frequently ask me whether IN REGARD TO or IN REGARDS TO is the better wording. I believe IN REGARD TO (without the S) is preferred, but either way, the phrase is a little stilted. I suggest changing it to CONCERNING and not worrying about that S. Also, FROM is not needed here. The meeting was simply LAST FRIDAY. I would word the sentence this way:
I am writing to you today concerning our meeting from last Friday.
Here is another sentence with wording that can be improved:
I am bringing this matter to your department on my own accord.
The English language has so many prepositions, and each one can have many different meanings. In this sentence, the usual expression for "I'm doing this without any prompting from someone else" is OF MY OWN ACCORD. The sentence should read this way:
I am bringing this matter to your department of my own accord.
I hope you find these tips helpful. Drop by again tomorrow when I will blog about the differences in usage between BECAUSE and words like SINCE and AS.
Tags: word usage
Posted in wording | No Comments »
Monday, May 23rd, 2011
Newspaper articles about the recent tornadoes–and about all those helping with the recovery–are both overwhelming and heartwarming. Yesterday's Birmingham News published an article about people who lived through previous tornadoes and are offering encouragement and advice to those now dealing with loss.
Here is a sentence from Val Walton's article "Past Smithfield storm survivors offer hope." (I've changed names of people and locations in this example sentence, but it will still make my point.) My point is that misplaced phrasing can confuse the meaning of a sentence like this one:
June Jones, an elementary school teacher and married mother of a 3-year-old son at the time, learned the grim news from police after she turned off D Street to get to her E Drive home.
June Jones' tornado tragedy occurred 34 years ago, and she is now a widow with two adult sons. When I first read this sentence, I thought Jones was NOW a married school teacher with a young son. By the time I got to the phrase, AT THE TIME, I had to shift my thinking gears in order to follow what the reporter wanted me to understand. If AT THE TIME had appeared before AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER, I would not have had to struggle with that thinking shift. I think the sentence would be much better this way:
June Jones, at the time an elementary school teacher and married mother of a 3-year-old son , learned the grim news from police after she turned off D Street to get to her E Drive home.
 On a personal note, my husband and I spent part of this morning helping set up a distribution room at an elementary school in Pratt City, Alabama, where men in this devastated community could come to choose suits, sport coats and pants, shirts, and shoes from a huge collection donated by a major retailer. We spent the rest of the morning greeting some of these men and helping them choose clothes and shoes to fit them and their needs. It was gratifying to experience one small part of the efforts to help the people of Pratt City rebuild their lives.
If you have an interest in helping with these efforts, you can contact the American Red Cross or check the volunteer options at www.handsonbirmingham.org
Tags: sentence structure, The Birmingham News
Posted in Grammar, wording | No Comments »
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